Fancy this...

I've spent my afternoon working someone elses shift, and I didn't much enjoy it, so when I came home, I quite uselessly checked this blog and some others. Then I grabbed some cold pizza and a warm soda and came upstairs to avoid the dishes, the laundry, the stench of working, and my own thoughts, and here I sit, cold pizza eaten, hot soda half empty, still stinking and swaying to the ever nasal voice of the Violent Femmes guy doing a life performance of a song about doing naughty things to himself. I am not a waste of a life. Heavens no.

I'm in a a cruddy emotional state... and I don't quite know why.

Music has changed to Alanis Morrisette singing a song about emotional abuse. I shall consider posting the lyrics... someday.

I wish I had something to blog about.

Oh, how about this...

As of late, I have been given a considerable amount of crap for finding unfathomable beauty in things that other people don't find to be outwardly beautiful. I"m seeing it, or hearing it, perhaps, in sounds that are not normally pleasing to the ear. I am seeing it in people, in random objects, in junk I find lying around. And its not necessarily one of those internal beauty externalized things. I actually see them, just as they come, as quite beautiful. I hear a lot of "Oh, I'm sure they have a lovely personality and all, but other than that..." and I can't help but feel like perhaps my eyes are broken. I've always managed to see beauty in unlikable things though. I don't much care for pretty things. I got into a heated debate with a bank teller yesterday about how rediculously irritating pretty boys are.

They all think I'm crazy. Think I'm nuts, but its some of you I'm talking about, you stunningly beautiful people.

The net radio just stopped.... oh, there it goes. Stupid computer. I do not find it to be beautiful.

My nose is sore. I can't stop sneezing, and I really need a shower. I reek of failure.

A question that you likely won't answer...

Normal people go through periods of self conciousness and feeling all dumb and not so great about themselves. That is the normal reaction to being dumped. "Well, I feel like shit because I'm not good enough." That, my friends, is normal. I on the other hand, have become more confident, borderlining on self absorbed. This, dear companions of mine, is not normal. I have been rather upset with myself as of late due to a great deal of not hating myself.

Perhaps something truly is wrong with me.

My warm soda has now departed me, and I must do the same to you.

Until fate should bring us to this place once again, I'm gonna knock it off with the trying to sound insightful and leave now.