The daytime isn't so bad, but when night comes along, its like heartbreak all over again. Little things ... that ... just ... hurt. And so at night, I write. I write for hours and hours and I rarely mean a word of it. And then I feel bad because I just have to hope nobody finds it till I'm ready to confess what a bitch I am. And then I hate myself in the morning. I think too much. And I hate myself.

I turned in an application at an apartment today. Time will tell, or something. I don't know if I'm looking forward to it or dreading the very thought.

I am hurting right now. Yes Eric, you are right, they do become pity parties. I hate pity parties, but I am a bitch of a broken heart, so maybe I don't hate them so much. I will confess though, there have been times when I only wanted to talk to you, and you weren't around. Thank you for being his friend. I have plenty. I want to be happy.

I can be, I bet.

I would also like to make a personal note to .... I don't know ... none of the people I'm talking to even read this anyway. so here goes.

Stop hitting on me. Not because I hate you, not because I just "want to be friends". How I feel about anyone has nothing to do with anything. Its just too soon for me. I'm not even done crying about it yet, so give me a break. I am not a peice of meat.

Glad I got that off my chest.

Personal note to Levi. I changed my mind about Styx. I decided on Paul Simon instead.

I"ll finish this later. Food awaits.