"...
We tried not to look at eachother
At this time were we loving
Or did we sit there wondering
I gazed at the window only to see
A reflection of her looking at me

I swallowed the lump in my throat
And held back the urge to cry

The car slowly came to a stop
As much as it hurt
I gave her a hug and whispered I love you
My shoulder became soaked in her tears
I shut the door behind me and
Began my lonely walk to the house

Laying down on my bed and staring at the ceiling
Put my world into perspective

I came to realize that we cannot control someone's decisions
We can only respect them for making these choices

I closed my eyesand let go of this reality
I take a deep breath before the plunge
My dreams pulled the lever
I then fell forever

Up becomes down
Light turns to darkness
A smile becomes a frown
Partnership turns to loneliness
Patience is rationality
Chaos is peace
Peace is but a shadow of death
And I am surreal

A formula for a bad dream
..."


Dammit Kenny... you're so freaking right sometimes it makes me sick.

I came to realize that we cannot control someones decisions
We can only respect them for making these choices.

I wish I could write with as much heart, with as much meaning as that. All I have is ... not even words. Its all crap.

I went looking at apartments today. I'll probably end up in this place in Lewisville. Its an alright place. Its big. Its got lots of ... stuff... in it. Its big and empty. I'm hoping you'll come spend some time with me. Whoever you are. wherever you are. Maybe some of you from PA can even come visit me. When I have furniture, we'll do something.

I need to go do something with my life.

I am going to quit Kroger when I get a car and a new job. I'm sick of being used. They make me work file maintanence and consider me front end so they still don't have to pay me anything.

I go now.