Its not even my business, and I can't stop crying.

Tomorrow morning, before I even get my lazy ass out of bed, somebodies baby is going to die, and theres nothing I can do about it.

All that talking and debating and fits of passion I've allowed myself to get overwhelmed in throughout my life and it hasn't amounted to anything.

Its still going to die. I can't stop it, I can't change it, I can't pretend its not going to happen.

I can't fix it. A girl told me once that I had a Messiah Complex. Thats the medical term, I suppose. A person who becomes wrapped up and overwhelmed in trying to fix the world. Trying to do Jesus' job, to fix everyone elses problems. It always devistates me when I fail. I'm not Jesus, so as you can imagine I usually fail. I almost always fail.

I don't even have the chance to fail this time. Its already got a heartbeat. You can already see it growing. It can move its limbs. In two more weeks it will be a he or a she.

Only, it won't.

Its not my decision. I want it to be. I want to fix everything for her, and for the one who hasn't decided what it will be yet. Who doesn't get the chance.

It happens every day. Someones baby dies. Someones BABY. Thier little boy or little girl. They die. Every time i blink, somebodies baby dies. In six hours, her baby dies. Her little boy or little girl.

She tells me its an amazing feeling, too. A life. Her baby. But in six hours ... its gone. She's scared. Terrified. I'm scared. I hardly know the girl, but I'm scared too.

It happens every day, so why am I falling apart so much harder this time?

I've gotten into monsterous fights with people, huge debates about how wrong it is. My God, some of the things I probably said. I couldn't look at her and tell her she was murdering someone. I couldn't beg her not to. I tried. I wanted to. I wanted to be angry, but I could only be calm, and try to beg her not to in the nicest way on earth. I wanted to argue, but I could only be heartbroken. And just when I was finally starting to patch it back up from the last time it shattered.

I don't want to go to sleep because I know the first thing I will think about when I open my eyes is that its dead, and I coudn't save it.

God, I'm selfish.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all o.k.
And not to worry
cause worry is wasteful
and useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idled with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
for light does the darkness most fear

My hands are small I know
but they're not yours,. they are my own
and they're not yours, they are my own
and I am never broken

Poverty stole your golden shoes
but it didn't steal your laugter
and heartache came to visit me
but I knew it wasn't ever after

We'll fight, not out of spite
for someone must stand up for whats right
cause where theres a man who has no voice
there ours shall go singing

My hands are small I know
but they're not yours, they are my own
and they're not yours, they are my own
and I am never broken

In the end only kindness matters
in the end only kindness matters

I will get down on my knees and I will pray
I will get down on my knees and I will pray
I will get down on my knees and I will pray

My hands are small I know
but they're not yours, they are my own
but they're not yours, they are my own
and I am never broken

We are God's eyes
Gods hands
God's mind
We are Gods eyes
Gods hands
Gods heart
We are God's eyes
Gods hands
Gods eyes
Gods hands
God's hands...