I am not on cloud nine. I am not flying high. I'm not happy as a clown (not saying much, as all clowns look sad). I am not giddy with joy. I don't feel awesome.

But today, I don't care.

I decided last night that I wasn't going to torment myself because it only makes Everett hate me, and it only makes me hate myself, so last night, rather than drive myself crazy, I took my rockin' new Paul Simon cd with me to the park and I danced around the feild like a crazy person, arms and legs flailing in the air, singing my own rendition of songs performed in African. I danced up a storm. That is to say, I danced up a storm until I learned that my camo pants still don't fit me right, due to all the weight I lost around my ass from not eating. I was jamming and flailing like a madman, and my pants fell right off, so there I am, dancing like crazy in the park without any pants on... I went inside to get a belt, and I returned on my journey to flail the night away. Then I felt very alone.

I looked around me and realized even the june bugs weren't bothering me, and I wasn't sure what to do with myself in all that seemingly infinite space, being so freaking small and such. So I called for some company. Not to whine and cry and complain about hating everything. Not to be in a bad mood and slaughter moral, or to say things I would regret the next morning. I just didn' want to be all alone. SO I called Levi, who is allergic to answering phone calls, but I learned that I am no better. He met me at the park, and while we didn't do much flailing, we did hang out, and get the cops called on us for existing. I needed to talk to him anyway, and by two a.m. I was left feeling a lot better about a lot of things. I wouldn't say I was happy or (insert synonym), but I felt less confused and a little more useful. We should hang out more often. We practically don't hang out at all unless one of us is in crisis...

So then I got my two hours of sleep and my too many hours of work, and watched the plan to get me driving fall through once more, and here I am, typing on a blog to a bunch of people who won't remember what I said anyway.

Must make plan of some sort... everything .... gah!!!!

MUSICAL INSPIRATION!!!!!!


A man walks down the street
He says why am I so soft in the middle now
Why am I so soft in the middle
The rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo oppurtunity
I want a shot at redemtion
Don't want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard
Bonedigger Bonedigger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away my well lit door
Mr. Beerbelly Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me
You know I don't find this stuff amusing anymore

You can be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al

A man walks down the street
He says why am I short of attention
Got a short little attention span
And wo my nights are so long
Where's my wife and family
What if I die here
Who'll be my role model
now what my role model is
gone gone
He ducked back down the alley
With some rolly polly little bat faced girl
All along, along
There were incidents and accidents
There were hints and allegations

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al

A man walks down the street
Its a street in a strange world
Maybe its a third world
Maybe its his first time around
He doesn't speak the language
He holds no currency
He is a foreign man
He is surrounded by the sound
the sound
cattle in the marketplace
Scatterlings and orphanages
He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says Amen! and Hallalujah!

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al