"you're standing on a ledge, and it looks like you might fall
but you're so far gone that you can't see the hands outheld to catch you
and you wait your turn to fall..."


I can't sleep. I was close to dreamyland, but suddenly out of nowhere, I was bombarded by a wave of unpleasant feelings. Now suddenly I feel like screaming and crying and breaking stuff and just over all nastiness. I feel all tied up inside and I'm overwhelmed by things I can't control and I'm hurt over things that aren't any of my business anyway, and I'm feeling selfish and mean and I want to get angry over things I don't have the right to be angry about. I feel like I'm suddenly out of control, a caged beast and my chains are breaking. I want to scream things I know I will regret right after I say them, and I want to not care at all. I feel like dissapearing and not caring who I hurt in the process and I feel like pretending I never cared to begin with. Out of nowhere, I've been overwhelmed by this wirlwind of absolute lunacy. I feel like ranting about all the temporary things bothering me, though I know this feeling will go away in the long run. Yet, somewhere, I just don't care. I'm feeling like I want to think the world revolves around me and I want to change history to my liking, even though thats wrong. I'm feeling needy, even though its nothing like me to be so. I feel like people are pulling on my brain, horrible people, telling me what I should do, telling me what I should forgive, forget, and never let go of. I feel like those horrible people just murdered whatever decent person lie in me.

I know the feeling will pass, but it drives me crazy when it comes around. I spend so much time ignoring everything that hurts, and it all attacks me in the middle of the night, and I just freak out. I know on the outside it seems like I'm alright, but what if, deep down, I'm just plain crazy? What if, deep down, theres something horribly wrong with me? What if that horrible part of myself that I absolutely hate takes over one day?

I think I might be stressed out about something or another.