i thought about what you said
and i'm not sorry for a thing
you do not understand thisor what it means to me
cannot discard this as emotion
this is more than another passing stage
you'll have to prove it's just opinionin defense of everything this is my everything
could it be that you have stumbled
tripped and fallen over something more than faith
could you prove yourself
this is a matter of life and death
would you step up to the line
but please don't just talk this time
i want what you ask of me
i want what you ask of me this time
step up to the lineaction begs reaction
what is left to be said
anything less has all been done before
to put to rest what you've been wondering
if you could take my life
would you still ask for more
I though about what you said
something occurred to me
you wouldn't ask me to turn my back on anything
if you believed that I believe
truth is I would love to show you
take "faith & works" to another higher stage
so there is little time for words you've heard
life and death are only steps, I'm not afraid of what comes next
what is enough in your opinion
perhaps my death would bring some substance to my claims
vanity of vanities this
life, love, art & sex
each breath you breathe is grasping at the wind
He is my everything
we cannot both be right
about right and wrong
and God and man
right and wrong and God and man
i want what you ask of me this time
please step up to the line
He's my everything
action begs reactionwhat is left to be said
anything less has all been done before
so put to rest your wondering
if you could take my life
you'd still ask for more ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 
Why are they all mad at me? Why are they trying to guilt trip me and make other people feel like shit on behalf of my choice? I don't get why this has to be the way it is. My brother begged me to stay yesterday, and stopped talking to me when i said no. Does he have no idea how fucking hard it was for me to say no to him? It seems like I'm that kids only hope lately, and I'm just leaving him alone to rot in all the filth. My mom is using the fact that I'm staying to guilt trip my dad out of being what he is. Why do I always have to be the reason that the family is falling apart? Why does everything always have to come back to me. I want to live my own life, and I can't even do that because I can't go now, and I can't stay forever. Its all driving me absolutely out of my mind. I can't talk to my mom about it, the one who promised she wouldn't get mad about my choice, because she is mad about my choice. I can't talk to my sister because she feels like i'm abandoning her. I can't talk to my brother because I've already hut him too much, and I can't talk to my dad because he doesnt care anymore. Everytime I pick up the phone its like i'm some unforgivable mistake that he can't bear to consider as his daughter, as something he created.

So, all in all, should I be sorry for my choice, should I shut the door on a shot at freedom? Should I give up on everything I've ever said i believed in? Should I do something, anything at all? Should I forgive and forget one last time in hopes of regaining the family I never had to start out with? Should I let go of everything? Should I go, dissapear from this place and be my siblings strength one more time and never get away from that toxic dump? Should I even consider it.

Somewhere, deeper than I can fathom, no matter how badly I just want to take the easy way out and deal with the shit, as hard as it is for me to just let go of my "family", as much as I want to be there to make it all better like I always knew I never could, some where, deep down inside, I know I can't back out now, not when I've held out this long, not when i've made it this far.