What will people think
When they hear that I'm a Jesus freak
What will people do when they find that it's true
I don't really care if they label me a Jesus freak
There ain't no disguising the truth

I just can't get enough blog it seems... I'm unbelievably bored right now. Just counting the seconds, watching myself waste hours of my own life doing nothing. I've been so busy these past couple of weeks that a break seems strange. I don't know what to do with myself now that i have so much extra time. At any rate, someone said something to me in lunch that, for whatever reason, took me aback. We were chatting about the crazy number of mutual friends we've all recently had busted for drugs, and those who, thus far, have not been. To say the least I was shocked, and a little dissapointed at what I learned. My friend Matt commented about how well I handle people and drugs *ahem, cough, cough* I've had a history of being a little hasty with these things. Okay, okay downright insane. An incedent from last spring break is what actually got me doing a personal journal again, after years. At any rate, Matt tells me that one day during my first few weeks at school here asking some questions about me. Something along the lines of "Hey, whats with that new friend of yours? She's like a Jesus freak." I was shocked, but by no means appalled. I've never been reffered to as a Jesus freak before, so I honestly dind't know how to respond to this comment. I've never considered myself to be the greatest of believers, and I surely expected that others would see that, which apparently they do. But in the midst of all my lunacy and mistakes, people, friends, seemed to recognize something I always thought I had conveyed poorly. To quote something that Heather might say, I heart Jesus. Though I'm sure at the time I was meant to be offended, I'm really rather flattered. And while on one end the thought is terrifying and a little nervewracking b/c it means that people are watching and I am very much responsible for my actions (I have to watch my mentally unstable self) at the same time it means i must be doing something right. Even if i'm doing everything else wrong, I haven't messed up in that the world around me can see, if only a little, that I am in fact a Jesus freak.



Onto other news.


FOr english, I have to write an essay.,.,.,. about myself. *horror music* I hate writing about myself. Its about how I've changed since my freshman year. Everyone else tried the excuse of my hair is longer and i grew two inches, but I can't use that. My hair is almost exactly the same length as it was before I hacked it all off the first time, and pretty much the same length as it was by the end of the year, and I haven't grown two inches. If I have, I've shrunken it all off again, thus making me the same as I was four years ago. I have changed nada physically in 4 years, except that I probably weigh more now. Anyway, I have to talk about how I've changed with some semblance of depth. I have no depth. Okay thats not true, I just hate writing about myself. So if you could write this for me.... Okay i'm kidding, but I could use some help. Those of you who know me or kind of know me or even who have known who I am for more than like a month... If you could maybe help me spark my memory a little bit by clueing me in on what kind of changes you've seen in me in the time you've known me, that would be really really helpful. If you can spark my memory some, I'm sure I can go back to freshman year from there.

I'm also constructing a powerpoint about myself... It makes me feel so superficial.

As long as i'm talking about school projects.... In psychology I have a research paper coming up on hypochondria. (not a single book in our school library might I add. An entire book on agoraphobia, but not even a paragraph on hypochondria....) and in speech I'm giving, well, a speech on Monday on why its not a good idea to kill yourself. Nobody seems surprised that I chose such a topic... Yep, I'm tired of school. But I know I'll miss it like crazy when I'm gone. I got my short story in the literary magazine this year. They used a chunk of it for advertising. Something like "Look what you're missing out on" and then a passage from my story that makes me sound extremely demented... Oh, wait.... I found it funny. If I see enough of them lying around I might just borrow one as a keepsake.

Evness feels all not good... Come to think of it, we're all getting sick. Randy was sick, I've been feeling a little on the pooey side, Matts sick. I hope I didn't make anyone ill... I hope he feels better. I hate to see ev feeling bad.

In lunch, I tasted the equivelant of dried out squid babies... I forget what exactly it was called, but they were dried out tiny little squid looking things, an inch long if they were lucky. It wasn't really good, persey, but it wasn't hideously sickening either. I've heard it tastes just like sushi.

Ima free you of my ramblings now, for the sake of the city, and because i'm running out of meaningful things to mention. Until we meet again.

*bows politely*