"and i promise you that I will be brave
i will be brave"

I'm in a funk. No real reason. I'm not upset about anything in particular. I think i'm upset about everything in particular. After going numb, I snapped out of it all at once and everything that should have bothered me in peices bothered me in one big ass chunk. Leaving me, in a funk. that rhymes...

I wouldn't normally post this, but I feel the urge to just in case. I've had this uncontrollable urge as of late. Unshakeable, almost. Not some urge to go get drunk or do something dangerous to myself as has been an urge of mine in the past. I can avoid those. They don't scare me. this one does. what would you do if I dissapeared from this place? If i just picked up and left, went somewhere far far away and nobody would ever know. I would warn someone, I wouldn't make it known, i wouldn't tell anybody where I was going. I would just ... go. Dissapear for a while. I would come back eventually, but I can't tell you when.

And none of you would ever know, save that I've just made it known. I've told you and I don't particularly know why. I'm not sure what gives me the urge. and I'll try to control myself, but If I should stop answering my phone and my door, I don't know... I want to say come looking for me, but I wouldn't want to be found. I want to bee seen but I don't want to be found...

perhaps I'm just a little bit lonely. I'll fight it out like i always do. I'll stay, if you want me to. If you know who you are. I will stay for you. I will stay and I will fight through this crazy, scary, lonely funk for whatever it is worth fighting for. I know what I think is worth fighting for. I know it is worth fighting for. theres always something worth fighting for. I promise you that I will be brave...

I feel good today. No. I'm serious. I almost feel happy today. I'm very close to happy, dispite my funk. I need to end this sunday night in some lovely way that will get me through the week, because the weekdays are the most lonely. I am trying. remind me what I'm fighting for, just for today, and I'll stay, I'll fight, and I'll be happy.

I'm rambling. I'll shut up. Good day.