We are a beautiful letdown, painfully uncool
the church of the dropouts, the losers, the sinners, the failures
and the fools
Oh what a beautiful letdown
are we salt in the wound?
Oh, let us sing one true tune


thats a good song. I just realized that my best friend since I could walk turned 23 this march. I feel so young, and simultenaeously old at the same time. I have a hard time believing that he's actually 23. I remember when I was 8 and used to go to his house and sit with his baby sister on the swings. She must be about... I'm going to shoot for 14 right now. Wow, Julia is in her teens. I remember when we went to Bush Gardens and spent the day together. Danny (my friend) made so much fun of me for hanging out with his baby sister... We had some really good times together back then. Playing power rangers and lions den and the lava game. I used to have the biggest crush on him. Man, I haven't seen him since I was maybe... 11 or 12. Long time. I miss him. We used to be so close, despite the enormous age difference and the fact that we saw eachother once every five years at best. I wrote him a letter a while back. I still get teary when I read it. I remember I told him about all this crap that was going on and told him that no matter what he'd always been my main man, and he wrote me back and told me that I'd always be his main girl and that he had so many stories to tell me when I came to visit him. My freshman year, his step dad called us up and I talked to Danny long distance for like two hours. His step dad always kind of scared me. I haven't heard anything about him since he left for overseas. I don't even know if he's alive and I have no way to find out. So many good memories... I still can't believe it. He's 23 years old. He's old enough to be starting a family, and here I am finishing high school.

I met the college girls today for bible study. I will never get accustomed to that. I feel even more lost and secluded than ever. Thats not to say I didn't have a good time, but i'm literally by myself. Everyones got a best friend in there, and I'm just like "yeah, I know some girls..." Junior year all over again. For quite some time there me and the heathers were getting on pretty good talking terms. I told heather dee stuff that most of those girls wouldn't figure out till Brent did his senior shpeal. I'm a senior... I'm not ready to be studying the bible with people who are married and engaged and stuff... I feel so young. Its weird to me.

Having a party tomorrow... Totally unplanned. Expecting somewhere between two and twenty people... Its gonna be chaos... Yeah, I'm sleepy. I'ma sleep now.

ta