Success is mine. I have finally found a way to access this thing, through, not my own computer of course, but the schools database. It’s sad when you have to write in your journal at school because your computer hates you. At any rate, I received a very serious letter today and it made me think. I don’t watch myself. I think I’ve probably always been like that. I am extremely paranoid for a long, long time, but once I finally break out of my shell, I find it hard to crawl back in. I’m sure I can, but I need to start keeping an eye on myself again before things go a way I don’t want them to go.

In the past week or so, I have had person upon person ask me about baptism, mostly questions that I could only answer had I already been baptized, which I have not. Still, I try to answer their questions, but I’m not very smart, and I end up sounding like a poorly trained foreign exchange student speaking a bunch of infantile rambling. Yes, I know, I’m famous for it. But I don’t want to tell somebody something wrong, you know. I don’t much care for looking like a babbling moron (which I do more often than not) and I can’t really tell people the deep philosophical things I know they want to hear. I’m still a baby in this aspect of my life. Which I should fix…. Anyway, I can only really begin to explain it a little bit. What I figured out had nothing to do with my own intelligence. It was the Holy Spirit, and the goofy but wonderful person He used to beat some knowledge into this thick skull. I’ve been given many great gifts in the last two years, and only a week ago, talking to Wes, did I even begin to realize it. I haven’t thanked these people for all the great things they’ve given me, which I don’t by any means deserve, and I’m not feeling to hot about that. Senior speeches are in… 92 days? May 25th again, I think. That won’t be a painful day… (not the sarcasm) and I had planned on waiting till then to tell them, but is it really worth it to wait 3 months to tell people what they might need to hear now? I never know when to tell people, to thank them, for just being them. More often than not, I wait far too long. I’ll have to do something about that I suppose.

I don’t much care for this color…. And I don’t know how to change it, but all in time. I will conquer technology yet. I leave now. Until we meet again * bows *