Forgive me for remembering what you forgot.

LOOK AT MY POEM!!!!!!!

It sucks royally and needs motherloads of work, but I wrote a freaking poem. Its been ages.



If I amount to nothing tomorrow
will you still love me like you do today?
and all the prayer in the world can't make me
anything I'd like to be
all the Jesus in my soul can't save me
I'm too unclean
All my pain is a lie and I"m just fine
pretending that everythings wrong
with all the things that were never right
I'm the loneliest now that I've never been
And so ugly draped in beautiful things
Velvet capes and diamonds
And I'm absolutely radiant
stripped down to sheer raw energy
translucent beauty laced with anger
tears falling like artwork down such a lovely, tainted face
Hideously innocent
Sublime, I"m so wicked
I wish that you would break me, I'm so tired of being fixed
Through my own existance
I have learned to contort philosophy




How pooey is that? but, oh, I wrote a poem,.,.,., It came to me in the shower. So I wrote it down.

By God, I finally wrote something.

Lancaster is forgetting me...

My mother was right....


I am a shoe whore. I like shoes. I want silver knee high Climber Boots.... A lot...

I am not materialistic, but I am a shoe whore.

Must .... resist.... urge... to ...order....... online....

FIRSTS

First best friend: Danny. I don't actually remember when we met...First car: I had this pimped out Barbie van once...
First date: Going to Matts house for dinner... I guess. I don't go on very many dates
First kiss: Fall about two years ago. Josh
First break-up: On my one month anniversary... The last week of school... at my best friends house... I turned it from me breaking up into a mutual agreement... don't ask me how... I hate breaking up.
First screen name: Shellbell921 I think....
First self purchased album: Most certainly a single by a group called Five. A track called when the lights go out.... First actual full length cd...I want to say Linkin Park.
First funeral: Fifth grade when my neighbor had a heart attack.
First pets: A hamster named Rascal. I had it for a week. He had a little hamster illness when he was purchased and died shortly thereafter.
First piercing/tattoo: My ears. My mom did it and she swore never to do it again.
First credit card: Credit cards are stupid
First true love: Well, in 8th grade I really thought I loved this guy. Does it count if they don't love you back?
First enemy: A girl named Jocelyn in 2nd or 3rd grade. She used me and told all my friends not to talk to me or she would beat them up, and then she told me that in order to be cool I had to quit speaking to my best friend.... I didn't like her very much.
First musician you remember hearing in your house: Elvis. I don't even have to have remembered it. It was Elvis

LASTS
Last cigarette: Oh about two hours ago... I was working the cigarette counter....Gag
Last car ride: Home from work.
Last kiss: Last night.
Last good cry: Its been a while....I did burst into tears about a month and something ish ago b/c I was mad at someone for complimenting me...
Last library book checked out: The Ciderhouse Rules....
Last movie seen in theaters: A Sharks Tale... like two days ago.
Last movie seen on DVD: "The Forgotten.Last beverage: Coke
Last food consumed: A handful of Caramel Clusters. The kind you stick some change into a little box to sample the candy.
Last crush: The person I'm dating. Last phone call: The call I made to ask Evs dad to come get me.
Last shoes worn: One slip on beach bum shoe, one black cordoroy sneaker with hot pink shoe lace.
Last CD played: At my house, breaking benjamin. At all, The Marshall Mathers LP in Chads car.
Last item bought: My soda.
Last annoyance: My manager asking me to stay four hours extra.
Last disappointment: That I said yes.
Last time wanting to die: I am always GOING TO DIEEEEEEE.
Last shirt worn: A white wife-beater with a skull and rose print on the front. Before that.... A white t shirt used as a towel while dying someones hair temporary black. I took it off b/c It was dying me black as well.
Last website visited: Meriam Websters online dictionary and thesaurus.... I like to look at the word of the day.
Last word you said: I don't remember...
Last song you sang: some song I've never heard before By the postal service

What is in your CD player? still the breaking benjamin cd I think
What color socks are you wearing? One blue sparkles, one red and black stripes
What color of underwear are you wearing? Black with white around the edges.
What's under your bed? I don't have a bed.
What time did you wake up today? About ten minutes before I had to be to work.

FUTURE
Where do you want to go? I don't care, so long as I get there.
What is your career going to be? Professional Bummin' because Its all I'm good at.
Where are you going to live? Hopefully not in my boyfriends parents living room forever.
How many kids do you want? Twins or bust.
What kind of car(s)? *shrugs* Umm... a junker or a 67 Fastback, I guess.

CURRENT
Current mood: Contemplating, tired
Current music: I've actually got Tide by Spill Canvas stuck in my head right now.
Current taste: Coke aftertase? Air? mmm air coke.
Current hair: 2 feet 5 inches long and still going, pulled up in a pony tail b/c I just got off work.
Current clothes: Black/ white pinstripe old man pants, and that wife-beater I was telling you about.
Current longing: Have something to do that doesn't waste my life. I want to sew something as well...
Current desktop picture: A black screen with I (heart) Shaye written in red letters that Ev stuck there when I wasn't looking.
Current favorite artist: Dali forever
Current book(s): I've got a pile I've been meaning to finish
Current color of toenails: Hot pink and purple... or they will be... when I get off my butt and paint them.
Current time: 7:21. My favorite time during 1500 hours.
Current hate: My job.

ME
My name is: Shaye.
I may seem: Short.
But I'm really: short.... and giddy
Sometimes I feel: Like a motherless child.... la la la... Oh right, no singing.
In the morning I: I am usually still asleep
I like to sleep with: the pillow.... sure.... the pillow.
If I could be doing anything right now I would be: not wasting my time with pointless questionaires.
Money is: stupid
One thing I wish I had is: some stupid money.
One thing I have that I wish I didn't is: writers block.

Welcome Minions... to my vastly redesigned blog!!!!!!!

Revel in its glory, bask in its complicated html settings. The color scheme is your master!!!

Okay so I changed one color and made STILL MORE DEVISIONS among my links to furthur irritate and confuse those of you searching for familiarity in a blog such as mine.

Let me feel intellegent for a mere moment.

I love the Dire Straits. I listen to them ... currently ...

I saw A Sharks Tale. I laughed gleefully and my soda blew up with tender loving care inside the sleeve of my jacket. I was sad.

I sound funny tonight. I am filled with tiredhead and wish with every ounce of my being not to attend the cattlegathering that is my job tomorrow.

I had fun at work today. Some of the kids did not.

I feel an urge to listen to Jack off Jill right now, and I can't explain why... I don't know anything by Jack off Jill.

I ... don't... really have anything to say tonight. Just felt the urge to update.

Thank you once again, Elliot, for the humor that nobody who reads this will understand!!!!! God bless Lancaster.... I think...



You Know You're From Lancaster When...

Your idea of Chicken Pot Pie has nothing to do with a pie and you can't figure out why people might think it would.

Your driving lessons involved learning to avoid horse droppings.

You know at least 5 euphemisms for animal manure and at least 4 of them involve food.

You know how to cook, but not without butter.

You know what a Fire Hall Wedding is

You've been to a Chicken and Waffle Dinner

You spend at least 30 minutes every summer day complaining about New Jersey drivers.

You don't understand why people would ever want to see the Amish.

The local Post Office used to be a single-family home and they close between noon and 1 for lunch.

You have ever ended a sentence with "a while".

You do not giggle when you see the following signs:
-- Lititz
-- Intercourse
-- Blue Ball
-- Bird-in-Hand
-- Mount Joy

You've heard of 7-11 but you've never seen one.

You cannot buy beer and wine from the same store.

Park City has nothing to do with skiing for you.

Agnes 1972 means something to you and you can tell stories about it.

You pronounce Lancaster in "Burt Lancaster" differently from Lancaster in "Lancaster, PA".

And you giggle at people who say "Aee-mish".

Your iced tea is sweeter than Pepsi.

You know someone who repairs gasoline-powered lawn mowers, but is forbidden to own one.

You think Fasnacht Day and Groundhog Day are national holidays.

You know that eggs come in either white or brown - and you have a preference

You think the Mississippi is just a tad wider than the Susquehanna.

You know who James Buchanan was.

You don't have to be told what Shoo Fly Pie is.

You outen the lights at the end of the day.

You go to the store when the milk is "all".

You think orange traffic cones are the natural foliage surrounding Route 30.

A "Bud" is not a beer and it's much better than those cheap knockoffs, Hershey's kisses.

The word "red" is a verb.

"Come with?" is a complete sentence.

You know what Donkey baseball is.

You know what a liquid pit is.

At times, you utter things like, "Throw over the fence some hay."

It may be raining, but the question is: "Is it makin' down?" or "Is it really makin' down?"

The verb "to be" is useless: "Does Fido need out?"

You remember when Park City Mall had a flea market in the basement. Or worse yet, a skating rink.

You know that "long johns" are something you eat, not something you wear.

You own quilts and know their names.

You know what a Turkey Hill is , and you've ditched school to hang out there.

You've corrected all the errors while watching Witness.

Rush hour is on Saturday afternoon -- in the summer.

Your wan has vindshield vipers (and so does your station vagon).

You reocognize "Twin Kiss" and "Freez and Frizz," knowing that Dairy Queen is a pale imitation.

Dutch Wonderland is neither Dutch nor much of a Wonderland.

WGAL is the source of all local celebrities and they create quite a stir when they shop in the supermarket.

You go out of state just to drive on smooth roads.

You've ordered "dippy eggs" for breakfast.

The Green Dragon ain't no Chinese restaurant.

Bacon drippings are an ingredient for making salad dressing.

You think tourist attractions consist of a pretzel factory, a chocolate factory and an Amish family out for a drive.

You know the only way to make good fastnachts is to cook them in LARD.

You live within two miles of a plant that makes potato chips, corn chips, pretzels, candy or ice cream or that packages turkeys, beans or bologna.

You do things "once," as in, "I'll go check in the back room once."

You can stop along the road to buy fruit, vegetables or crafts on the "honor system."

YOUR turkey has "filling," not "stuffing" and most certainly NOT "dressing."

You know that chicken corn soup from a firehouse is the most perfect food on earth.

You say things like, "Outen the lights," "I'm calling off today" and "They're calling for snow."

You've heard of distelfinks and hex signs.

You never see any Confederate flags except on the Gettysburg battlefield.

You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west," and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike.

You call sloppy joes "barbecue."

You think Medium Rare equals Well Done.

When it snows, they put cinders on the roads instead of sand.

Words like: gumband, buggie, hoagie, chipped beef, scrapple, actually mean something to you.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Lancaster.

*dramatic sigh*

Sometimes...

I wish i didn't fail at every attempt I make.

I wish I didn't suck at everything I do.

I wish I could accomplish something.

Go me.

Another vastly successful failure for the records.

I still reek like cigarettes....

Yeah, I took up smoking...

Okay, welcome to reality, that was a joke. I reek like cigarettes b/c all the clothing from my parents house still isn't clean.... and I went to a club last night....


*giggles*

It was fun. I went to the Church, the club our own dear Josh is always raving about. I've never been to a club, but am I glad I went. It was just... so much fun. We sat in the balcony and watched people "get thier groove on* and then we all danced. We danced till we couln't dance anymore. Actually, what we did was more a mixture of dancing and moshing than anything else. During a 7 ish minute period of Rob Zombie and Manson, we all got so into it that people were moving away from our little circle to give us our space, or because they thought we were crazy.

I miss dancing. My best friend and I used to dance all the time, until the wee hours of the morning, we would dance, and oh such joy it would be, but until now, I have seen no dancing. Guys hate to dance it seems, but oh last night, we danced and went crazy and talked and It was amazing. I felt ... like an adult. I guess. Noone really treats you like you're 15 there. So, I danced the night away and loved every minute of it. A very different experience from high school stuff.

I would defanantly do this again. My only complaint is that I reek of cigarettes...

I guess thats an indicator that I should do my laundry soon.